Snow White: Pretty
girl, ear-piercing soprano, hangs out with seven height-challenged guys because
she’s hiding from…
Evil Queen: Snow White’s stepmother. Pretty in a Norma Desmond way, dramatic
eyeliner, definitely spends a lot of time at department store makeup
counters. Obsessed with her appearance,
Evil is jealous of Snow White’s beauty.
Consults with a magic mirror on a regular basis to determine if she’s
“the fairest of them all.” Decides to
kill Snow when the mirror tells her Snow has taken the “fairest” title from
her.
But what if the Evil Queen had tossed out her magic mirror? What if she had decided it was time to stop
seeking validation from the ghostly figure in the glass? Maybe she and Snow could have reconciled, gone
to Panera Bread for lunch and checked out the new arrivals at T.J. Maxx. Maybe, just maybe, Snow could have convinced
stepmom to let her beauty shine through with a more natural look. And maybe those seven little guys could have
learned to take care of themselves.
Now that’s a fairy tale.
I was out
running errands yesterday and stopped by the vitamin store to pick up some
supplements. As I checked
out I picked up a complimentary copy of a health and fitness magazine. The cover featured your typical goddess, the
kind of girl you run into all the time---not.
Silky long blonde hair, flawless skin and a Barbie body, only with more
muscles.
“I’ll look
like this in a week and a half,” I told the cashier. She laughed and said, “Well, let me know how
you do it.”
We started
talking about getting older, and the fact that looking like Miss Fitness is
beyond our reach at this point, barring the creation of cyborg bodies capable of housing human consciousness. “I look at old
pictures of myself and wonder what happened,” the cashier said, and I nodded
with understanding.
To head off
a plunge into despair for both of us I pointed out that growing older is better
than the alternative. I quoted the rock
and roll motto---“Live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse,”--- and
said I’d rather die old, wrinkled, and totally used up. That seemed to cheer her a bit and I went on
my way.
However,
that brief conversation kept rolling around in my brain. Before long my thoughts turned from complaining
about the loss of youth to wondering if some of us have lost our way. I returned
to an article I had clipped from the June 4, 2013 edition of The Washington
Post: “Why the sharp rise in
suicides by baby boomers?” (Just to be
clear, the term “baby boomer” is used to describe someone born between 1946 and
1964.)
According to
the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention the rate of suicides by men
between 35 and 64 went up 27.3% between 1999 and 2010, with suicides by women
going up 31.5% for that same period.
The likelihood of suicide rises by age, with an increase in suicide rate
of over 50% for men between 55 and 59 and nearly 60% for women ages 60 to 64. To see the full CDC report go here: http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm6217a1.htm
The
article’s author, Tara Bahrampour, talked to a man who survived his suicide
attempt, a variety of experts and loved ones left behind. Only one question matters: Why?
Ms.
Bahrampour uncovered a number of answers, but here’s what I took away from her
story:
- · Boomers are spoiled. We had no world wars or depressions to toughen us up and a lot of time to contemplate. Ms. Bahrampour writes that boomers “have struggled more with existential questions of purpose and meaning. Growing up in a post-Freudian society, they were raised with a new vocabulary of emotional awareness and an emphasis on self-actualization.” There’s plenty of time for “existential questions” when you’re not struggling to exist.
- · Boomers expect the good times to keep coming. Barry Jacobs, director of behavioral sciences at the Crozer-Keystone Family Medicine Residency Program in Pennsylvania, puts it this way: “There was an illusion of choice---where people thought they’d be able to re-create themselves again and again. These people feel a greater sense of disappointment because their expectations of leading glorious lives didn’t come to fruition.”
- · Boomers didn’t plan on getting old. Fellow boomer Bob Knight, professor of gerontology and psychology at the University of Southern California, describes our generation as “pretty youth-oriented.” He adds that “We haven’t idealized growing up and getting mature in the same way that other cohorts have.” Take that perspective and throw in the advertisements for exercise equipment, diet plans and cosmetic surgery and you’ve got a volatile mixture. (Is anyone else tired of the “You Light Up My Life” facelift commercial?)
Yes, this is
grim stuff, but stay with me for a bit longer.
Lest you think all Boomers are glued to their recliners, grumbling about
what might have been, meet Gary and Judy Kopff.
(“Send in the Kopffs” by Rachel S. Karas, The Washington Post,
June 10, 2013) The Kopffs tried for years to become parents, but when that
dream was denied they turned their attention to helping others. How?
By clowning around.
Judy puts on
her three-foot-tall balloon hat, Gary dons his red-white-and-blue Dr. Seuss
hat, and they visit fundraisers, Walter Reed National Military Medical Center,
and wherever smiles are in short supply.
Although the going rate for professional clowns can climb to $400 per
hour, the Kopffs never charge a dime.
Ms. Karas
describes the Kopffs’ motivation: “They
do it for the 85-year-old blind woman who smiled upon touching a balloon
animal. They do it for the veteran who
broke into tears after hearing a balloon pop because his post-traumatic stress
disorder triggered memories of exploding bombs.
He asked for another balloon, determined to overcome his fear and give
his child a life with balloons. And they
do it for the autistic boy who smiled all day, his father said, after Judy
twisted a balloon for him at the Pentagon.”
Gary and
Judy Kopff could have kept staring into the mirror, dwelling on the children
they’d never have and cultivating despair.
Instead, they turned their attention outward and chose to help others in
pain.
I’m an
optimist; I’ve always believed that life follows an upward curve, each valley
followed by a higher mountain. As I age
I have to accept that the terrain ahead will contain more valleys and the
mountains that follow will slowly change into rolling hills.
So what’s a
Boomer to do? I’ll continue to use
mirrors; we’ve all witnessed the unfortunate choices made by those who
apparently do not have the means to see their reflections. But I won’t linger before the looking glass. I’ll
ask God to help me make the most of whatever each day offers. I’m a project decades in the making---I’ll
continue to share myself with an unsuspecting world.